Sitting here feeling grateful

No pictures this time, just a few thoughts that I wanted to get down so as I don't forget them.

Yesterday I had my first experience with an inconsolable Reed. He was obviously very tired, but try as I may, I could not help him calm down enough to go to sleep. Billy had gone away on a short bike ride - although it felt like hours, it was really only 1 hour or so- and I had just put Reed down for his evening nap. After 15 minutes of what I thought was sleeping, he woke up screaming and didn't really stop screaming for 45 minutes. I tried to bounce, shush, rock, walk, nurse and swing and aside from when he was nursing he continued to scream. It was my first time where I wondered if he was in pain or if something serious was wrong.

Billy came home just after I had got him down again, and was there when he woke up 10 minutes later. He took over from there and agreed that he had not seen him this way before either. B stuck with the swaddle, shush, swing routine and finally got our overly tired boy relaxed enough to fall asleep.

I can't imagine how hard it is for new parents whose kids have trouble calming down regularly or simply cry a lot and there is nothing you can do. I felt completely wrecked and already at a pretty frazzled point and it had only been 45 minutes. Further, I am so grateful to be doing this with such an awesome partner like Billy and I now have more empathy for single parents.

I write this more for myself than for you readers because it made me feel go incredibly grateful that Reed is consolable and able to calm down pretty easily for the most part. I admit I felt anxious that this may be his new way of being in the world, but I quickly realized that that is not helpful thinking and I shook myself out of it. He is such a wonderful kid and these difficult moments act as a bit of a reality check for us which, upon reflection and a little bit of sleep. I appreciate now.

signing off, k